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Original E-Mails


Bad Times (Parodie auf den Good Times Hoax)

Subject: Virus Alert
If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately.
Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not
only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete
anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer.
It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It
reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on
your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's
you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's
coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles.
It will program your phone autodial to call only your ex-spouses'
number. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will
drink all your beer. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table
when you are expecting company. Its radioactive emissions will cause
your bellybutton fuzz (be honest, you have some) to migrate behind
your ears. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with
Rogaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your
back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will
cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is
only fun until someone loses an eye. It will give you Dutch Elm
Disease and Psitticosis. It will rewrite your backup files,
changing all your active verbs to passive tense and incorporating
undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations
of key sentences.
It will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged
in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the
forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also
refill your skim milk with whole milk. It will replace all your
luncheon meat with Spam. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne
or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles. It is insidious
and subtle. It is dangerous and terrifying to behold. It is also a
rather interesting shade of mauve. These are just a few signs of
infection.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!! (everyone
deserves a good laugh)
Dies ist ein Hoax, eine Falschmeldung.
Bitte verbreiten Sie den Text nicht weiter.